OF 2008!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
What Makes A Man?
*Situations will be explained. Names will be stricken from the record. You are all safe. You were all apart of my life this year. Through good times and bad, you are now memories. Ones that must be looked upon.
2008 was quite a year for me. Ive really been thinking about it a lot the past week and I really dont feel "prepaired" enough to be writing a year end recap but tomorrow is the big day and this year as we all know it will be over. In some ways im going against my blog rule of no drama but i feel that its important. It may seem that its focusing on the dramatic but its more focusing on who i have become since. I GREW so much this year as a person due to these experiences and feelings.
It may seem a bit brash to say all this because MY events to YOU may not even seem like a big deal, that this is all so miniscule and i guess in some ways, it probably is, but its what happend. its how i felt and what i went through. This year was an overload of events and emotions ive NEVER felt before. My process of having and most importantly,LEARNING how to deal with every one of them.
If i had to choose 1 word to desribe 2008. That word would be "ADVERSITY".
If i had to choose 5 songs to represent 2008. They would be(in no particular order):
1. Bayside- How to fix everything
2. Atmosphere- gotta lotta walls
3. Alkaline Trio- Standard break
4. Kind Of Like Spitting- All Else Failed
5. Armor For Sleep- Somebody Elses arms
This all started at the very tail end of 2007, carrying right into 2008 resulting in the worst Christmas and New Years to date. As i said, so many feelings ive never felt. They all broke me down completely and made me become the most CONFUSED ive ever been about anything. First, I felt that i totally fucked up and pissed a good opportunity in life away. i was so angry and disappointed with myself. i had also hurt someone i didnt mean to. Always being the "good guy", handling "fucking up" didnt come so easy. Which lead me to feel GUILT. With that guilt and disappointment, I can honestly 100% say that i truly hated myself for a really long time. The feeling of being completely helpless and powerless to turn back time and do things different and just make everything "okay" crushed me. I felt LOSS for the first time as well and I cried. HARD. Something i havent done since i think 6th grade. 10 yrs of tears came out at once. Due to this hatred for myself. I began to accumulate self-esteem issues. i thought "am i really as great as i thought i was?". Which really fucked with me considering im always a strong and confident person(ality). Excepting total responsibilty for your own misery is a terrible thing to have to do. Though in the end, it was really just ME having a hard time FORGIVING myself for what i felt i had done.
These feelings made me reach down deep into myself and start the healing. I had to "figure it all out". I had to answer my own questions about why i did what i did and why what i did, happend. Needless to say i LEARNED far too much. I am a very stubborn person(more than id like to think). Im very much an individual, a rebel. I dont like being helped and told what to do. So i tend to oppose simply out of spite for those who are trying to influence me. Ive learned to not hold back, it hurts far too much. Which also lead to the conclusion of how important communication is. To say how you feel, no matter how hard words might be to say or how scared you are to say them. Naturally being Male, i tend to be very immature with my anger. I used to wish the worst for people, even if they deserve it or not, just for some sort of sick revenge. Most importantly ive learned about LETTING GO. I let the thought of someone else "ruin" the future. If i wouldnt have been holding on/out for something/one else, im sure things would maybe be completely different. They say you never get second chances in life and i believe that to be true now. Just stop hoping for them. Move on. Always move on.
All this doesnt even sound THAT bad when i look at it, but if you were a person i was asking for help from, you know how bad i was. Its all set and done and I have come out a stronger person. Ive hit my lowest low and made it out alive. I wouldnt say im "glad" it happened, cause it was fucking miserable but it did and WHY exactly? I still dont know. A harsh late realization i guess but ive learned a lot about things and ill take my new found knowledge and understanding and hopefully if something ever happens again, ill atleast be able to keep my head on my shoulders.
oh...the years not done.
This year also brought my MORALITY into question. I "hooked up" with someone in a sexual manner, completely free of any emotion. Which is weird cause im usually shy and have to have some sort of emotional attatchment to somebody to do such things,but there it happened and i was totally okay with it.
Also, with a different patron, i stooped to a level, one that i claimed i would never. I broke Number 7 of the commandments(sort of). A misdemeanor offense if anything. Theres a fine line between what makes a "great" man, Great. And a man, just an ordinary man. I thought of myself a highly respectable person. I have crossed that fine line into a new territory. I thought that it would feel a lot different, cause it doesnt feel like anything at all but feel as though I should be lumped in with every other dude out there on this,slowly turning black earth and if i had any faith in (a) God, hell would surely be awaiting me. But i am no different than i was even moments before. i am great.
GOOD THINGS OF 08:
-bought a new car
- HWM with Pete in NJ
-NYC with bricker
-RVA with soul control
- Jen norris came to visit
-mayhem festival
- murdza got married
Important people of 08:
rachel B
derek dolan
jared colby
tom laverne
jen norris
matt fox
kimberly morin
i thank all of you for putting up with my shit. listening. giving advice. spending your time with me. i spent a lot of this year in hell and if it wasnt for all of you it surely would have made it worse.
In conclusion i guess 2008 was the year of HUMANITY. I made a lot of mistakes. Did some things im not proud of but that is apart of life. I am not perfect. I am human. Im going to make mistakes and its totally okay for that to happen. But things that happen dont always make you a bad person. we all just get lost sometimes and dont always make the best decisions for one reason or another. Its what we take from all this which allows us to become better people.
2009 is a fresh start. New band, some new friends, maybe some new women. Its going to start off fantastic and i could only hope it gets better, but you never really know. I wish you all the best year possible. Im going to try to be the best that i can.
2008 was quite a year for me. Ive really been thinking about it a lot the past week and I really dont feel "prepaired" enough to be writing a year end recap but tomorrow is the big day and this year as we all know it will be over. In some ways im going against my blog rule of no drama but i feel that its important. It may seem that its focusing on the dramatic but its more focusing on who i have become since. I GREW so much this year as a person due to these experiences and feelings.
It may seem a bit brash to say all this because MY events to YOU may not even seem like a big deal, that this is all so miniscule and i guess in some ways, it probably is, but its what happend. its how i felt and what i went through. This year was an overload of events and emotions ive NEVER felt before. My process of having and most importantly,LEARNING how to deal with every one of them.
If i had to choose 1 word to desribe 2008. That word would be "ADVERSITY".
If i had to choose 5 songs to represent 2008. They would be(in no particular order):
1. Bayside- How to fix everything
2. Atmosphere- gotta lotta walls
3. Alkaline Trio- Standard break
4. Kind Of Like Spitting- All Else Failed
5. Armor For Sleep- Somebody Elses arms
This all started at the very tail end of 2007, carrying right into 2008 resulting in the worst Christmas and New Years to date. As i said, so many feelings ive never felt. They all broke me down completely and made me become the most CONFUSED ive ever been about anything. First, I felt that i totally fucked up and pissed a good opportunity in life away. i was so angry and disappointed with myself. i had also hurt someone i didnt mean to. Always being the "good guy", handling "fucking up" didnt come so easy. Which lead me to feel GUILT. With that guilt and disappointment, I can honestly 100% say that i truly hated myself for a really long time. The feeling of being completely helpless and powerless to turn back time and do things different and just make everything "okay" crushed me. I felt LOSS for the first time as well and I cried. HARD. Something i havent done since i think 6th grade. 10 yrs of tears came out at once. Due to this hatred for myself. I began to accumulate self-esteem issues. i thought "am i really as great as i thought i was?". Which really fucked with me considering im always a strong and confident person(ality). Excepting total responsibilty for your own misery is a terrible thing to have to do. Though in the end, it was really just ME having a hard time FORGIVING myself for what i felt i had done.
These feelings made me reach down deep into myself and start the healing. I had to "figure it all out". I had to answer my own questions about why i did what i did and why what i did, happend. Needless to say i LEARNED far too much. I am a very stubborn person(more than id like to think). Im very much an individual, a rebel. I dont like being helped and told what to do. So i tend to oppose simply out of spite for those who are trying to influence me. Ive learned to not hold back, it hurts far too much. Which also lead to the conclusion of how important communication is. To say how you feel, no matter how hard words might be to say or how scared you are to say them. Naturally being Male, i tend to be very immature with my anger. I used to wish the worst for people, even if they deserve it or not, just for some sort of sick revenge. Most importantly ive learned about LETTING GO. I let the thought of someone else "ruin" the future. If i wouldnt have been holding on/out for something/one else, im sure things would maybe be completely different. They say you never get second chances in life and i believe that to be true now. Just stop hoping for them. Move on. Always move on.
All this doesnt even sound THAT bad when i look at it, but if you were a person i was asking for help from, you know how bad i was. Its all set and done and I have come out a stronger person. Ive hit my lowest low and made it out alive. I wouldnt say im "glad" it happened, cause it was fucking miserable but it did and WHY exactly? I still dont know. A harsh late realization i guess but ive learned a lot about things and ill take my new found knowledge and understanding and hopefully if something ever happens again, ill atleast be able to keep my head on my shoulders.
oh...the years not done.
This year also brought my MORALITY into question. I "hooked up" with someone in a sexual manner, completely free of any emotion. Which is weird cause im usually shy and have to have some sort of emotional attatchment to somebody to do such things,but there it happened and i was totally okay with it.
Also, with a different patron, i stooped to a level, one that i claimed i would never. I broke Number 7 of the commandments(sort of). A misdemeanor offense if anything. Theres a fine line between what makes a "great" man, Great. And a man, just an ordinary man. I thought of myself a highly respectable person. I have crossed that fine line into a new territory. I thought that it would feel a lot different, cause it doesnt feel like anything at all but feel as though I should be lumped in with every other dude out there on this,slowly turning black earth and if i had any faith in (a) God, hell would surely be awaiting me. But i am no different than i was even moments before. i am great.
GOOD THINGS OF 08:
-bought a new car
- HWM with Pete in NJ
-NYC with bricker
-RVA with soul control
- Jen norris came to visit
-mayhem festival
- murdza got married
Important people of 08:
rachel B
derek dolan
jared colby
tom laverne
jen norris
matt fox
kimberly morin
i thank all of you for putting up with my shit. listening. giving advice. spending your time with me. i spent a lot of this year in hell and if it wasnt for all of you it surely would have made it worse.
In conclusion i guess 2008 was the year of HUMANITY. I made a lot of mistakes. Did some things im not proud of but that is apart of life. I am not perfect. I am human. Im going to make mistakes and its totally okay for that to happen. But things that happen dont always make you a bad person. we all just get lost sometimes and dont always make the best decisions for one reason or another. Its what we take from all this which allows us to become better people.
2009 is a fresh start. New band, some new friends, maybe some new women. Its going to start off fantastic and i could only hope it gets better, but you never really know. I wish you all the best year possible. Im going to try to be the best that i can.
Monday, December 29, 2008
George Harrison Appreesh
Tonight while enjoying a fantastic Burrito in the apple of my eye establishment known as Moe's. This song by George Harrison came on over the speakers.
If you were to have asked me even a minute before what my "favorite song as a child was" I would probably answer "I have NO idea". However, I was not asked that question and when it came on, I was reminded that I infact did love this song when I was little. Id get so pumped when it came on MTV. All the dancing objects makes it make sense that I would love it so much. Not to mention the song is just awesome.
If you were to have asked me even a minute before what my "favorite song as a child was" I would probably answer "I have NO idea". However, I was not asked that question and when it came on, I was reminded that I infact did love this song when I was little. Id get so pumped when it came on MTV. All the dancing objects makes it make sense that I would love it so much. Not to mention the song is just awesome.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas!
Like every christmas, I dont get much. Mainly because I always get money. Which is more than fine since I can then go out and get whatever it is that I want whenever I find it.
This year my sister got me a theme present, consisting of three parts. Of all Bukowski stuff.
FINALLY GOT A FRAME FOR MY PRINT!
AND I GOT THESE!
AND I bought these for myself earlyer this afternoon!
Now all I gotta do is find more things to buy with the other crap load of Dolla$ I have. Which shouldnt be too hard! Even though it usually takes me a year to spend holiday cash. I just got rid of my birthday money like...2 months ago, haha.
So yeah, thats Christmas! I hope yours went well and you got things that you wanted!
This year my sister got me a theme present, consisting of three parts. Of all Bukowski stuff.
FINALLY GOT A FRAME FOR MY PRINT!
AND I GOT THESE!
AND I bought these for myself earlyer this afternoon!
Now all I gotta do is find more things to buy with the other crap load of Dolla$ I have. Which shouldnt be too hard! Even though it usually takes me a year to spend holiday cash. I just got rid of my birthday money like...2 months ago, haha.
So yeah, thats Christmas! I hope yours went well and you got things that you wanted!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
2008 Book Recap
2008 was a very crazy year for me. Which is something I will surely touch on again soon as the year turns over and I do a long winded emotion filled blog about the events that have taken place for me personally this year.
Though, its not time for that yet! Its time to recap the books that I have read this year. Now, I was never much of a reader, ever. Even as a child, my grandmother would always make me read 3 to 5 pages a day of what was usually an RL Stine book, before I got to go outside and play with my friends and I always hated it. Even when I was in school, I hated it. I never did the summer reading, nothing. Everytime I had to read, I found a moderatly interesting LOOKING book and just stared at it. Whenever I had to do a report, I glanced around and skipped to the end. I was a shit head. The only book I ever found interesting was 1984 by George Orwell. Which, I dont even think I finished, which is why Ive been thinking about reading it again and Anne Frank when we read it as a class in 8th grade(where my WWII interest began).
Ive always been a large advocate of education because I feel people should be intelligent. Existing in daily life just goes to show how much people really, arent. We have been gifted with brains. Which are able to obtain massive amounts of information. Brains that can output massive amounts of ideas and creativity. Which also could influence someone else to better themselves or something else, keeping the train rolling. Here I am, not doing shit simply because im LAZY. So I ALWAYS felt a bit hypocritical on the subject. Though Ive always been a very creative, imaginative person. More so as a child than as I grew older but for pretty much all of my life Ive wasted away my mind on who knows what, guiltily leaning towards video games(though no so much the past 5 yrs), television and the INTERNET.
I guess in some ways its all how you get introduced to things. I was in some sort of rut maybe, comfortable in my lazyness. Maybe just nothing fascinated me enough to go out and wanna gain knowledge of it. Maybe stories just didnt get me going?
Which brings me to WHY I started reading last year. Something happened in my life. What, is neither here nor there right now but what I needed to do was keep my mind busy. ANYTHING to take my mind off the situation that was at hand. I needed to block out thinking completely and distract myself from focusing on...myself. Much like when you are going through something and you confide in songs from artists or even write songs so that you may transcend. I was looking for something to relate to. I was looking for answers. I wanted something to tell me what went wrong, what I did wrong and jesus christ, how to fix it! THATS what reading was for me.
I dont know how it happned. I think one day I just looked at my "bookshelf"(full of CDs and movies) and saw this one book I had purchased in November 2007 at the Snapcase reunion show I had went to because Soul Control scored and got to open the 2 shows. It was a book written by Norman Brannon called "the Anti-matter Anthology". Its a book compiled of a bunch of interviews with bands that Norman had done in the past when his Zine called "anti-matter" was circulating around the New York Hardcore Scene in the early to late 90's. I think it was an alright start. Something light and easy, nothing to extensive, no huge words and something I was involved in and knew a lot about. Its also filled with probably the best interviews ive ever read. Im guessing my sister had saw that I was reading a book, maybe I had made a bulliten asking for suggestions, im not sure but she suggested I read a book entitled "Women" from a Charles Bukowski(how disgustingly appropriate at the time). She let me borrow her copy, which I soon bought for myself later. After I finished Anti-matter, I started on Women...and just kept going.
books of 2008:
The Anti-Matter Anthology- Norman Brannon
Women- Charles Bukowski
Hot Water Music- Charles Bukowski
Post Office- Charles Bukowski
Factotum- Charles Bukowski
The Stranger- Albert Camus
The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter- Carson McCullers
The Denial Of Death- Ernest Becker
Nausea- Jean Paul Sartre
I have a whole list of things I still havent gotten to yet. Most of which are all depressing,dark, sappy crap,cause thats when the list was made but I enjoy that shit anyway. Though once those are done, I dont think that Ill stop. So im sure fine stories about other things, more vibrant and "happy" will work their way into the list as I check out and discover new things. Until then its stories about drunken sexual deviants, loss, depression, death, confusion, loss, heartache, uncertainty, shelfishness, burdens, etc.
Cranial health in 2009!
Though, its not time for that yet! Its time to recap the books that I have read this year. Now, I was never much of a reader, ever. Even as a child, my grandmother would always make me read 3 to 5 pages a day of what was usually an RL Stine book, before I got to go outside and play with my friends and I always hated it. Even when I was in school, I hated it. I never did the summer reading, nothing. Everytime I had to read, I found a moderatly interesting LOOKING book and just stared at it. Whenever I had to do a report, I glanced around and skipped to the end. I was a shit head. The only book I ever found interesting was 1984 by George Orwell. Which, I dont even think I finished, which is why Ive been thinking about reading it again and Anne Frank when we read it as a class in 8th grade(where my WWII interest began).
Ive always been a large advocate of education because I feel people should be intelligent. Existing in daily life just goes to show how much people really, arent. We have been gifted with brains. Which are able to obtain massive amounts of information. Brains that can output massive amounts of ideas and creativity. Which also could influence someone else to better themselves or something else, keeping the train rolling. Here I am, not doing shit simply because im LAZY. So I ALWAYS felt a bit hypocritical on the subject. Though Ive always been a very creative, imaginative person. More so as a child than as I grew older but for pretty much all of my life Ive wasted away my mind on who knows what, guiltily leaning towards video games(though no so much the past 5 yrs), television and the INTERNET.
I guess in some ways its all how you get introduced to things. I was in some sort of rut maybe, comfortable in my lazyness. Maybe just nothing fascinated me enough to go out and wanna gain knowledge of it. Maybe stories just didnt get me going?
Which brings me to WHY I started reading last year. Something happened in my life. What, is neither here nor there right now but what I needed to do was keep my mind busy. ANYTHING to take my mind off the situation that was at hand. I needed to block out thinking completely and distract myself from focusing on...myself. Much like when you are going through something and you confide in songs from artists or even write songs so that you may transcend. I was looking for something to relate to. I was looking for answers. I wanted something to tell me what went wrong, what I did wrong and jesus christ, how to fix it! THATS what reading was for me.
I dont know how it happned. I think one day I just looked at my "bookshelf"(full of CDs and movies) and saw this one book I had purchased in November 2007 at the Snapcase reunion show I had went to because Soul Control scored and got to open the 2 shows. It was a book written by Norman Brannon called "the Anti-matter Anthology". Its a book compiled of a bunch of interviews with bands that Norman had done in the past when his Zine called "anti-matter" was circulating around the New York Hardcore Scene in the early to late 90's. I think it was an alright start. Something light and easy, nothing to extensive, no huge words and something I was involved in and knew a lot about. Its also filled with probably the best interviews ive ever read. Im guessing my sister had saw that I was reading a book, maybe I had made a bulliten asking for suggestions, im not sure but she suggested I read a book entitled "Women" from a Charles Bukowski(how disgustingly appropriate at the time). She let me borrow her copy, which I soon bought for myself later. After I finished Anti-matter, I started on Women...and just kept going.
books of 2008:
The Anti-Matter Anthology- Norman Brannon
Women- Charles Bukowski
Hot Water Music- Charles Bukowski
Post Office- Charles Bukowski
Factotum- Charles Bukowski
The Stranger- Albert Camus
The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter- Carson McCullers
The Denial Of Death- Ernest Becker
Nausea- Jean Paul Sartre
I have a whole list of things I still havent gotten to yet. Most of which are all depressing,dark, sappy crap,cause thats when the list was made but I enjoy that shit anyway. Though once those are done, I dont think that Ill stop. So im sure fine stories about other things, more vibrant and "happy" will work their way into the list as I check out and discover new things. Until then its stories about drunken sexual deviants, loss, depression, death, confusion, loss, heartache, uncertainty, shelfishness, burdens, etc.
Cranial health in 2009!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Blizzard!
I took this photo last night, it was about 5 hours or so into the storm. It started at like 2pm,this was taken at around 7pm. I have snow above my ankles. In some spots the drifts were mid shin. The storm was also not finished yet! Im not sure when it ended, maybe midnight or so I think, im not sure. When I awoke this morning at around 10am, to no surprise it was snowing yet again. I'm not sure when it started again and its now almost 3pm and its STILL going.
First storm of the year, Br00tal. Also strange, considering Monday it was 60 degrees again and come Friday its 20 and we have a blizzard. What the hell is going on here?
I also was reminded how comfortable sauconys are. I havent worn these shoes since 2005. I have no "winter shoes" so I took them out of the closet to go walk around in the snow cause I dont care what happens to them. The last time I wore them I believe was in FLA at Ozzfest when it was a typhoon. It was the worst.
First storm of the year, Br00tal. Also strange, considering Monday it was 60 degrees again and come Friday its 20 and we have a blizzard. What the hell is going on here?
I also was reminded how comfortable sauconys are. I havent worn these shoes since 2005. I have no "winter shoes" so I took them out of the closet to go walk around in the snow cause I dont care what happens to them. The last time I wore them I believe was in FLA at Ozzfest when it was a typhoon. It was the worst.
Friday, December 19, 2008
I love Waxwing
For some reason today, as I was playing my musical instrument in the basement, I decided to put on Waxwing in the head phones. When I usually put on Waxwing, the song I usually shred to is "Laboratory". It occurred to me not only how much I LOVE this song but, how much I enjoying PLAYING it. I can play TONS of other bands songs, some bands entire Album(s), I dont really know what that means, but whenever I play this song, I feel like im...REALLY good, haha. Theres just something about it, I cant figure out what it is.
If you are not familiar with Waxwing, I suggest you get your ass familiar! Its a fine band fronted by that fine fellow named Rocky Votolato. Whos present solo work is enough,I think, for you to have an interest in checking out what he used to do.
If you are not familiar with Waxwing, I suggest you get your ass familiar! Its a fine band fronted by that fine fellow named Rocky Votolato. Whos present solo work is enough,I think, for you to have an interest in checking out what he used to do.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I has all the colors
I must have EVERYTHING, in EVERY color. I remember a time I always wore black. I also remember a time I dressed like crap and was stupid. Ive gotten into colors the past years. I think they are important and fun. Express a mood or a season. Colors I feel are VERY overlooked and taken forgranted.
thats just hoodies and sweaters...
and you can NEVER have too many variations of your most favored shoe.
This isnt even counting my dress shirts, that due to lazyness i decided to not picture.
So this Christmas I will hopefully finish off my "collection" with finding cardigans in EVERY color. I figure, once you have everything...you wont need anything. So I got sweaters, shirts and hoodies down. Now I need cards. What else would I need after this? I think, nothing! So I can then finally STOP spending money ALL the time on clothes. It will be a fine day. Though you could always find new patterns and such.
I need a suit...
thats just hoodies and sweaters...
and you can NEVER have too many variations of your most favored shoe.
This isnt even counting my dress shirts, that due to lazyness i decided to not picture.
So this Christmas I will hopefully finish off my "collection" with finding cardigans in EVERY color. I figure, once you have everything...you wont need anything. So I got sweaters, shirts and hoodies down. Now I need cards. What else would I need after this? I think, nothing! So I can then finally STOP spending money ALL the time on clothes. It will be a fine day. Though you could always find new patterns and such.
I need a suit...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Todays forecast, Sweet and Delicious...
Today was a fine 60 degrees. Yes, I said 60 degrees. Unlike Mondays 15 degree weather...weird?
So to commemorate this fine occasion I am eating ice cream! Ice cream to me is more of a Summer deal but it still is pretty much considered an "always" treat. However the past few days ice cream has NOT been on my mind. All ive been comsuming is cider, coffee, hot chocolate and soup. You know, WARM things...
So tonight I will enjoy it, since the cold will be back soon enough and it will be back to hiding in bed and drinking coffee and watching TV cause its too fucking cold to have any ambition to do anything else.
So to commemorate this fine occasion I am eating ice cream! Ice cream to me is more of a Summer deal but it still is pretty much considered an "always" treat. However the past few days ice cream has NOT been on my mind. All ive been comsuming is cider, coffee, hot chocolate and soup. You know, WARM things...
So tonight I will enjoy it, since the cold will be back soon enough and it will be back to hiding in bed and drinking coffee and watching TV cause its too fucking cold to have any ambition to do anything else.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Got a plumbing problem? Call Jenny...
Remember that Tommy Tutone song in the 80s? Of course you do. Do you also remember that infamous phone number and how you always wondered if you called that number, it would be a working one?
I discovered this pen at work. Looks like your average message revealing window pen for any average business, doesnt it?
Well, the entire world can now put thier minds at ease, cause "867-5309" is a working number in RI!
Id like to hope that since they are clever enough to select this phone number, cause in all honesty, WHO can not remember this phone number, that they would also be clever enough to only higher women named jenny, atleast any personnel that would be answering the phones. Now THAT would be clever.
Now go get your toilets fixed!
I discovered this pen at work. Looks like your average message revealing window pen for any average business, doesnt it?
Well, the entire world can now put thier minds at ease, cause "867-5309" is a working number in RI!
Id like to hope that since they are clever enough to select this phone number, cause in all honesty, WHO can not remember this phone number, that they would also be clever enough to only higher women named jenny, atleast any personnel that would be answering the phones. Now THAT would be clever.
Now go get your toilets fixed!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
NEW BAND!
Tonight made it offcial, I have a new band!
Many of you dont know, but i was doing a great band called In Conversation with some great friends, but it never quite got off the ground due to never finding a vocalist. This band also decided to break up about 2 weeks ago but I am moving on and with great confidence within myself.
It might not sound too hot or be something to be proud of...YET but I would not invest my time or interest in something that i did not have faith or saw potential in. Its a delicate flower right now, eager to bloom. It shall bloom! I will see to it! Everythings a little weird in the begining for any band. That will soon pass and we will be playing very well together soon enough.
I am very excited to be working with a long time friend named steve, his brother and now some new friends. The band is VERY different from the one I was just in but in a way, Ive always wanted to do a band like this. In the older days when I was obsessed with Elliotts "song in the air" release in 2003. So I see it a good thing. Something new, something different. Applying the things Ive learned in the past 2 years and seeing how they work in this band. Im a way better musician now. Though I know that Im still going to learn even more by doing this band. I will never stop learning and progressing, atleast I hope so.
There is a show booked for February. So ALREADY, this band is miles ahead from my other. 2 singers and shows! Im not sure if I will be playing this show, since we may or may not have a bass player by then but Im sure I will have learned the set and be comfortable. Even though this will be my 1st show since 2005. Ill probably be a nervous wreck haha.
So in conclusion, I have a new band. One that I'm excited about. I know I will add good things to it and the finished products will be great. I cant wait for good recordings! Im also excited to get out there and play shows. I feel lucky that I have found a project so quickly. The 2 week down time of playing to my Ipod in the basement SUCKED. I cant play drums anymore unless im writing music. Which I suppose is good.
I feel great. Im proud of myself. I jumped into something new. I had ambition and I put myself out there and got a gig. I wasnt ever at any point scared or nervous. Im that confident in myself as a musician. I can do anything!
Camplight Conduit
Many of you dont know, but i was doing a great band called In Conversation with some great friends, but it never quite got off the ground due to never finding a vocalist. This band also decided to break up about 2 weeks ago but I am moving on and with great confidence within myself.
It might not sound too hot or be something to be proud of...YET but I would not invest my time or interest in something that i did not have faith or saw potential in. Its a delicate flower right now, eager to bloom. It shall bloom! I will see to it! Everythings a little weird in the begining for any band. That will soon pass and we will be playing very well together soon enough.
I am very excited to be working with a long time friend named steve, his brother and now some new friends. The band is VERY different from the one I was just in but in a way, Ive always wanted to do a band like this. In the older days when I was obsessed with Elliotts "song in the air" release in 2003. So I see it a good thing. Something new, something different. Applying the things Ive learned in the past 2 years and seeing how they work in this band. Im a way better musician now. Though I know that Im still going to learn even more by doing this band. I will never stop learning and progressing, atleast I hope so.
There is a show booked for February. So ALREADY, this band is miles ahead from my other. 2 singers and shows! Im not sure if I will be playing this show, since we may or may not have a bass player by then but Im sure I will have learned the set and be comfortable. Even though this will be my 1st show since 2005. Ill probably be a nervous wreck haha.
So in conclusion, I have a new band. One that I'm excited about. I know I will add good things to it and the finished products will be great. I cant wait for good recordings! Im also excited to get out there and play shows. I feel lucky that I have found a project so quickly. The 2 week down time of playing to my Ipod in the basement SUCKED. I cant play drums anymore unless im writing music. Which I suppose is good.
I feel great. Im proud of myself. I jumped into something new. I had ambition and I put myself out there and got a gig. I wasnt ever at any point scared or nervous. Im that confident in myself as a musician. I can do anything!
Camplight Conduit
I am in the midst of a new begining!
At the turn of the year, when we have to start putting "09" after our dates, i will be shedding last years skin to my new, fresh pink tender coat. Until it hardens yet again somewhere through out the new year.
A fresh start completely free of all of my previous burdens. I am a tree that never wilts. Just changes, with my colors becoming brighter every time.
Though todays poise and feelings surely wont be tomorrows, since ill forever be a melancholy bastard. I still hope that fine moments such as this one will be more involved in my furute.
more to come on this soon...
A fresh start completely free of all of my previous burdens. I am a tree that never wilts. Just changes, with my colors becoming brighter every time.
Though todays poise and feelings surely wont be tomorrows, since ill forever be a melancholy bastard. I still hope that fine moments such as this one will be more involved in my furute.
more to come on this soon...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Why do the ugliest people...
have children? The reproduction must cease amongst the physically unkind.
My eyes are turning into stone since a lot of the earth inhabitors arent so easy one them.
Fuck you women i drove by with a car load of children. who needed more than a facial reconstructive surgery, more like, a Gods grace to her thousands of unanswered prayers.
anyway...
heres a really cute puppy! Yaaaay!
My eyes are turning into stone since a lot of the earth inhabitors arent so easy one them.
Fuck you women i drove by with a car load of children. who needed more than a facial reconstructive surgery, more like, a Gods grace to her thousands of unanswered prayers.
anyway...
heres a really cute puppy! Yaaaay!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
1 song that defines "You"
The Casket Lottery- The Great One And Lonely
I am the great one and lonely.
Who knows everything I know, but being the only one who knows it, only makes me all alone.
Yes, I have some secrets like I guess we all do.
Mine collect. Snowball effect. Like I guess everyone deserves to.
If youre really listening, you know everything.
I am the great one and lonely.
Yup, thats it. I feel that ive hit it pretty good.
However, my sister still says that Morrisseys' "Seasick, Yet Still Docked" is my "anthem" and I guess that I couldnt really disagree with that one either, haha
I am the great one and lonely.
Who knows everything I know, but being the only one who knows it, only makes me all alone.
Yes, I have some secrets like I guess we all do.
Mine collect. Snowball effect. Like I guess everyone deserves to.
If youre really listening, you know everything.
I am the great one and lonely.
Yup, thats it. I feel that ive hit it pretty good.
However, my sister still says that Morrisseys' "Seasick, Yet Still Docked" is my "anthem" and I guess that I couldnt really disagree with that one either, haha
Monday, November 24, 2008
Drum Kit Idea #5
Tis the season that I fall into some Dolla$. Now, ive been trying to work out getting C & C for sometime now, however, I cant actually do it myself and someone has to give me the hook up, however I do not like bothering people, same goes for this person that I would be/have been pestering.
SO, im really going to try this time. I kinda put my big dreams away, and although knowing the whole time that im going to have to just go the cheap route, im finally okay with that haha. Beggers cannot be choosers!
heres what im looking at:
24x18
16x16
12x8
14x8 10ply snare
mini tube lugs. standard rack mount. floor mounts drilled onto the shell. 2.3mm hoops, except on snare, id get diecast. black kick drum hoops,with my wrap color inlayed on the hoop.
VERY standard other than the fact that im getting tube lugs, but come on! Standard lug options are always so ugly, thats why they are standard!
now, looking through C & C pictures on their gallery and myspace and thinking of some cool combinations, I figure if im getting a hook up, the less work I make them do, the better. So im going with a straight shot, one color everything. no stripes, no nadda.
i decided on Paua Orange 02. I LIKE IT! Even though it is SLIGHTLY hideous, but thats what I like about it. Its different. Which a lot of the time is why I can appreciate things.
I found a snare on their site and basically this is what my snare will look like. though this is a 7 inch snare rather than an 8.
Will I even obtain this fine drum kit you ask? Well, I really dont know. I hope so, but you can hope in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first, so...
Im going to talk to dustin probably tomorrow. See what we can make happen. Maybe even call C & C myself, with a contact and see what can be done for a price.
Wish me luck!
SO, im really going to try this time. I kinda put my big dreams away, and although knowing the whole time that im going to have to just go the cheap route, im finally okay with that haha. Beggers cannot be choosers!
heres what im looking at:
24x18
16x16
12x8
14x8 10ply snare
mini tube lugs. standard rack mount. floor mounts drilled onto the shell. 2.3mm hoops, except on snare, id get diecast. black kick drum hoops,with my wrap color inlayed on the hoop.
VERY standard other than the fact that im getting tube lugs, but come on! Standard lug options are always so ugly, thats why they are standard!
now, looking through C & C pictures on their gallery and myspace and thinking of some cool combinations, I figure if im getting a hook up, the less work I make them do, the better. So im going with a straight shot, one color everything. no stripes, no nadda.
i decided on Paua Orange 02. I LIKE IT! Even though it is SLIGHTLY hideous, but thats what I like about it. Its different. Which a lot of the time is why I can appreciate things.
I found a snare on their site and basically this is what my snare will look like. though this is a 7 inch snare rather than an 8.
Will I even obtain this fine drum kit you ask? Well, I really dont know. I hope so, but you can hope in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first, so...
Im going to talk to dustin probably tomorrow. See what we can make happen. Maybe even call C & C myself, with a contact and see what can be done for a price.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
This is what I want for christmas!
MOVE THE FUCK OVER POWER WHEELS!
Kota My Triceratops Dinosaur
This animatronic, life-size baby dinosaur stands over 3 feet tall and comes to "life" with realistic sounds and motion! It responds to your voice and touch with roaring and laughing sounds, and expressive movements.
Kota My Triceratops Dinosaur
This animatronic, life-size baby dinosaur stands over 3 feet tall and comes to "life" with realistic sounds and motion! It responds to your voice and touch with roaring and laughing sounds, and expressive movements.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Old Thanksgiving Memories
For some reason I remembered an old Journal post that I had made in 2005! So old! It went a little something like this!
"Thanksgiving isnt Thanksgiving unless youre eating something dead.
However, Thanksgiving is about lies. We steal a country. Tell the indians to fuck off. Then in winter, we run out of food and pretend to like indians so we can have food. Then we kill all the indians.
Then we run out of indians and we just kill turkeys. Which is why 45,000 turkies died this past week.
from the farm to your plate! new delivary service!"
Not AS funny as I remembered it haha,but whatever! Though I am not much of a advocate of animal liberation, I do still find that picture just a tad disturbing. It sort of taints the holiday a little bit.
Thats all for now, legit turkey day update coming soon.
"Thanksgiving isnt Thanksgiving unless youre eating something dead.
However, Thanksgiving is about lies. We steal a country. Tell the indians to fuck off. Then in winter, we run out of food and pretend to like indians so we can have food. Then we kill all the indians.
Then we run out of indians and we just kill turkeys. Which is why 45,000 turkies died this past week.
from the farm to your plate! new delivary service!"
Not AS funny as I remembered it haha,but whatever! Though I am not much of a advocate of animal liberation, I do still find that picture just a tad disturbing. It sort of taints the holiday a little bit.
Thats all for now, legit turkey day update coming soon.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Musical Films
so can we talk about this movie a little bit?
Now at the time of its release, I really didnt care. Why you ask? Well, im not totally sure but probably out of spite for SOME reason. Whether it be "fuck that singing shit" "johnny depp is gay" and probably "fuck (add something here)". I can be very ignorant a lot of the time. Also, my sister really wanted to see it. So of course with a brother sister relationship and us though being the same person a lot of the time, still like totally different things, so im always at war in some way with her when it comes to stuff she is into, mainly cause I like to make fun of stuff and people. So its a light hearted kind of thing.
Im coming to the conclusion that A. Tim Burton just fucking rules & B. Anything Johnny Depp is in, is usually really good.
One day I watched it at Gil's house since he got a bootleg that weekend. I actually enjoyed it a whole lot. Then it simply fell out of my mind.
To the point of all this. I had watched it the other night, not sure how long ago it actually was, since it has been on cable this month. I for some reason am completely obsessed with this movie now. I watched it again through ON DEMAND cause it wasnt on. I watched it AGAIN last night, and then I went and worked the google on the internet machine to kill some time before sleep and as I got offline and unmuted the television, it was on and I started watching it yet AGAIN, though like half way through and I didnt finish it.
So with my Christmas provisions that I will be receiving soon, I plan on buying this on DVD and watching the fuck out of it!
Which reminds me to ALSO get this:
which is also a fine musical film. Not to mention the movie is visually out of its mind. Do so much drugs and watch this movie.
Now at the time of its release, I really didnt care. Why you ask? Well, im not totally sure but probably out of spite for SOME reason. Whether it be "fuck that singing shit" "johnny depp is gay" and probably "fuck (add something here)". I can be very ignorant a lot of the time. Also, my sister really wanted to see it. So of course with a brother sister relationship and us though being the same person a lot of the time, still like totally different things, so im always at war in some way with her when it comes to stuff she is into, mainly cause I like to make fun of stuff and people. So its a light hearted kind of thing.
Im coming to the conclusion that A. Tim Burton just fucking rules & B. Anything Johnny Depp is in, is usually really good.
One day I watched it at Gil's house since he got a bootleg that weekend. I actually enjoyed it a whole lot. Then it simply fell out of my mind.
To the point of all this. I had watched it the other night, not sure how long ago it actually was, since it has been on cable this month. I for some reason am completely obsessed with this movie now. I watched it again through ON DEMAND cause it wasnt on. I watched it AGAIN last night, and then I went and worked the google on the internet machine to kill some time before sleep and as I got offline and unmuted the television, it was on and I started watching it yet AGAIN, though like half way through and I didnt finish it.
So with my Christmas provisions that I will be receiving soon, I plan on buying this on DVD and watching the fuck out of it!
Which reminds me to ALSO get this:
which is also a fine musical film. Not to mention the movie is visually out of its mind. Do so much drugs and watch this movie.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
All good things must end.
Tonight was a cruddy night. Many of you do not know, but for the better part of 2 years I have been doing a musical project. Though sadly it just never got off the ground due to lack of finding a vocalist. Even though the decision made makes more sense than it should. Rather than continuing aimlessly for even longer than 2 years seems a bit, i dont know but I guess you just have to let some things go.
As much as I really dont want to, I must and will. Its just a terrible feeling to know that something youve put so much time into never really got to where it should. Some songs better than others,but I really did love every single one. All the potential in the world, and we hit a brick wall. It happens, to a lot of people, though it sucks that it happened to be me(selfish considering there are three others involved here). It was my ticket out, the dream. We had solid dudes, solid talent and a great vibe. A few slips but nothing we didnt get over.
Now im back at square one. Last night I was tearing up inside, tossed and turned. I always tend to beat myself up over, everything. So this is no different. I will miss all of them, though ill still see them. I just now have nothing at all in life. Nothing to do, it was my only hope at all. That one day of practice a week, was the only solace I had.
Ill be fine. Ill move on. Ill find another project to do. The music will never die. My shits packed up, in the basement, will soon be unpacked and ill just keep going. The positive thing to take from all this, was the experience. From where I was when this band started, to where I am now, is quite a large distance. I am by far a better musician that I ever was, but not that I ever will be. I have my band mates for that. Different things, lead me to push myself and I did. I made it with gold stars. I will take that and use it and apply myself to something else when it comes.
Things supposedly happen for a reason, though whenever things happen, I never know "why" they do. Its a little disheartening to also know the few opportunities that I have missed this past month, but what can you do? I could be somewhere else right now,but im not. So I shouldnt really beat myself up over that.
We are still friends, we will maybe play together again. who knows,but I will miss them all very much and still forever be some what sad that I never got to share a stage with some great people, performing some songs that in my short term in being in bands, have made me one of the proudest of people in the world. I was never not 100% proud of every single drum I hit. I showed the demos to everyone with confidence, i was never ashamed. This band to me was super man.
I am infact a bit teary eyed as I type this. Which I am a little bit happy about. Considering the last time I cried,was last December and the time before that, I dont even remember. So its good to know that I am infact human haha and that something other than complete and utter hatred for myself(that entry will be coming in January haha) can make me emotional. Im just remembering a good time and missing the moments that will now no longer happen, since now there is no future for the project.
Life is not over, it just feels like it. I will be heard from again. I have some people im talking to currently, putting my name in some minds, etc. Doing what I can. Maybe this time I will get to show my stuff out there under the lights.
To only imagine how this would be if we had actually done something and ended, oh god.
As much as I really dont want to, I must and will. Its just a terrible feeling to know that something youve put so much time into never really got to where it should. Some songs better than others,but I really did love every single one. All the potential in the world, and we hit a brick wall. It happens, to a lot of people, though it sucks that it happened to be me(selfish considering there are three others involved here). It was my ticket out, the dream. We had solid dudes, solid talent and a great vibe. A few slips but nothing we didnt get over.
Now im back at square one. Last night I was tearing up inside, tossed and turned. I always tend to beat myself up over, everything. So this is no different. I will miss all of them, though ill still see them. I just now have nothing at all in life. Nothing to do, it was my only hope at all. That one day of practice a week, was the only solace I had.
Ill be fine. Ill move on. Ill find another project to do. The music will never die. My shits packed up, in the basement, will soon be unpacked and ill just keep going. The positive thing to take from all this, was the experience. From where I was when this band started, to where I am now, is quite a large distance. I am by far a better musician that I ever was, but not that I ever will be. I have my band mates for that. Different things, lead me to push myself and I did. I made it with gold stars. I will take that and use it and apply myself to something else when it comes.
Things supposedly happen for a reason, though whenever things happen, I never know "why" they do. Its a little disheartening to also know the few opportunities that I have missed this past month, but what can you do? I could be somewhere else right now,but im not. So I shouldnt really beat myself up over that.
We are still friends, we will maybe play together again. who knows,but I will miss them all very much and still forever be some what sad that I never got to share a stage with some great people, performing some songs that in my short term in being in bands, have made me one of the proudest of people in the world. I was never not 100% proud of every single drum I hit. I showed the demos to everyone with confidence, i was never ashamed. This band to me was super man.
I am infact a bit teary eyed as I type this. Which I am a little bit happy about. Considering the last time I cried,was last December and the time before that, I dont even remember. So its good to know that I am infact human haha and that something other than complete and utter hatred for myself(that entry will be coming in January haha) can make me emotional. Im just remembering a good time and missing the moments that will now no longer happen, since now there is no future for the project.
Life is not over, it just feels like it. I will be heard from again. I have some people im talking to currently, putting my name in some minds, etc. Doing what I can. Maybe this time I will get to show my stuff out there under the lights.
To only imagine how this would be if we had actually done something and ended, oh god.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Daft Punk
I've always known of this "band". However, I've never actually heard or really cared to check them out.
I woke up this morning and had that GAP commercial on my mind and I was like, I NEVER got to finding out what that song was in the commercial,since when I heard the song I did like it. so I YouTubed it and there it was.
Completely oblivious to the fact that the 2 dudes(daft punk) are IN the fucking commercial. so I listened to a bunch of songs on youtube and I was rather shocked to find out how many of their songs I've actually heard(mainly through television ads).
so anyway, im Dling "Discovery" right now.
I wouldnt say that "I hate" this music, but I never really had liked or shown any interest in ANYTHING club,dance,house,electronic or whatever it may be called. Though I do like Prodigys album "The Fat Of The Land"(which reminds me to go download that again) which I did own in 6th-9th grade before I sold it cause I had gotten into Punk and Hardcore,which then lead me to denounce anything that I had listened to prior,cause im a idiot and I never really got into NIN which will occasinally show some influence of this,though maybe thats more "industrial" and to snobs of the genre is a completely different thing,which im sure that it is. But for some reason, im going to enjoy this album a whole lot cause I like more than half of it already since its been all over ADs and such.
This video will also give me nightmares. Fuck that midget robot thing with human teeth!
I woke up this morning and had that GAP commercial on my mind and I was like, I NEVER got to finding out what that song was in the commercial,since when I heard the song I did like it. so I YouTubed it and there it was.
Completely oblivious to the fact that the 2 dudes(daft punk) are IN the fucking commercial. so I listened to a bunch of songs on youtube and I was rather shocked to find out how many of their songs I've actually heard(mainly through television ads).
so anyway, im Dling "Discovery" right now.
I wouldnt say that "I hate" this music, but I never really had liked or shown any interest in ANYTHING club,dance,house,electronic or whatever it may be called. Though I do like Prodigys album "The Fat Of The Land"(which reminds me to go download that again) which I did own in 6th-9th grade before I sold it cause I had gotten into Punk and Hardcore,which then lead me to denounce anything that I had listened to prior,cause im a idiot and I never really got into NIN which will occasinally show some influence of this,though maybe thats more "industrial" and to snobs of the genre is a completely different thing,which im sure that it is. But for some reason, im going to enjoy this album a whole lot cause I like more than half of it already since its been all over ADs and such.
This video will also give me nightmares. Fuck that midget robot thing with human teeth!
Monday, November 10, 2008
"Regression In The Service Of The Ego"
Yet another insightful passage from "The Denial Of Death". This book will occasionally dish out some awesome stuff.
If you know me at all, then you will read this and say "hm,makes sense" and not be shocked as to why I find this interesting. Now, I wouldnt say that Im the woman in the situation or the male, since I like to think I have some sort of perception into understanding both male and female psychological (re)actions and the only thing that pigeon holds any specific (re)action is whats been taught,mainly told to us by "society",but thats a WHOLE different thing all together. I guess what I could say is I understand the, moral significance,maybe? Of the whole thing. This is far deeper than anything I could ever explain, but on the surface, I agree and find it a fantastic referance for explaination. That I also may be blessed or cursed with the preferance to appreciate the mind before the body.
"But we can anticipate it by showing how sexuality is inseperable from out existential paradox, the dualism of humant nature. The Person is both a self and a body, and from the beginning there is the confusion about where "he" really "is"-in the symbolic inner self or in the physical body. Each phenomenological realm is different. The inner self represents the freedom of thought, imagination, and the infinite reach of symbolism. The body represents determinism and boundness. The child gradually learns that his freedom as a unique being is dragged back by the body and its appendages which dictate "what" he is. For this reason sexuality is as much a problem for the adult as for the child: the physical solution to the problem of who we are and why we have emerged on this planet is no help-in fact, it is a terrible threat. It doesnt tell the person what he is deep down inside, what kind of distinctive gift he is to work upon the world. This is why it is so difficult to have sex without guilt: guilt is there because the body casts a shadow on the persons inner freedom, his "real self" that- through the act of sex-is being forced into a standardized, mechanical, biological role. Even worse, the inner self is not even being called into consideration at all; the body takes over completely for the total person, and this kind of guilt makes the inner self shrink and threaten to disappear.
This is why a woman asks for assurance that the man wants "me" and not "only my body"; she is painfully conscious that her own distinctive inner personality can be dispensed with in the sexual act. If it is dispended with, it doesnt count. The fact is that the man usually does want only the body,and the womans total personality is reduced to a mere animal role. The existential paradox vanishes, and one has no distinctive humanity to protest. One creative way of coping with this is, of course, to allow it to happen and to go with it: what the psychoanalysts call "regression in the service of the ego". The person becomes, for a time, merely his physical self and so absolves the painfulness of the existential paradox and the guilt that goes with sex. Love is one great key to this kind of sexuality because it allows the collapse of the individual into the animal dimension without fear and guilt, but instead with trust and assurance that his distinctive inner freedom will not be negated by an animal surrender."
If you know me at all, then you will read this and say "hm,makes sense" and not be shocked as to why I find this interesting. Now, I wouldnt say that Im the woman in the situation or the male, since I like to think I have some sort of perception into understanding both male and female psychological (re)actions and the only thing that pigeon holds any specific (re)action is whats been taught,mainly told to us by "society",but thats a WHOLE different thing all together. I guess what I could say is I understand the, moral significance,maybe? Of the whole thing. This is far deeper than anything I could ever explain, but on the surface, I agree and find it a fantastic referance for explaination. That I also may be blessed or cursed with the preferance to appreciate the mind before the body.
"But we can anticipate it by showing how sexuality is inseperable from out existential paradox, the dualism of humant nature. The Person is both a self and a body, and from the beginning there is the confusion about where "he" really "is"-in the symbolic inner self or in the physical body. Each phenomenological realm is different. The inner self represents the freedom of thought, imagination, and the infinite reach of symbolism. The body represents determinism and boundness. The child gradually learns that his freedom as a unique being is dragged back by the body and its appendages which dictate "what" he is. For this reason sexuality is as much a problem for the adult as for the child: the physical solution to the problem of who we are and why we have emerged on this planet is no help-in fact, it is a terrible threat. It doesnt tell the person what he is deep down inside, what kind of distinctive gift he is to work upon the world. This is why it is so difficult to have sex without guilt: guilt is there because the body casts a shadow on the persons inner freedom, his "real self" that- through the act of sex-is being forced into a standardized, mechanical, biological role. Even worse, the inner self is not even being called into consideration at all; the body takes over completely for the total person, and this kind of guilt makes the inner self shrink and threaten to disappear.
This is why a woman asks for assurance that the man wants "me" and not "only my body"; she is painfully conscious that her own distinctive inner personality can be dispensed with in the sexual act. If it is dispended with, it doesnt count. The fact is that the man usually does want only the body,and the womans total personality is reduced to a mere animal role. The existential paradox vanishes, and one has no distinctive humanity to protest. One creative way of coping with this is, of course, to allow it to happen and to go with it: what the psychoanalysts call "regression in the service of the ego". The person becomes, for a time, merely his physical self and so absolves the painfulness of the existential paradox and the guilt that goes with sex. Love is one great key to this kind of sexuality because it allows the collapse of the individual into the animal dimension without fear and guilt, but instead with trust and assurance that his distinctive inner freedom will not be negated by an animal surrender."
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Favorite Songs.
These are some of my favorite songs. I have MANY more, though these are the ones that come to mind immediately when I think "favorite songs". Also, I dare not try to hunt down videos of all of them and many of them may not even have videos,but here are some.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Depressive Psychosis
Something else that caught my eye as I continually read "The Denial Of Death"
"Schizophrenic Psychosis"- any of several psychotic disorders characterized by distortions of reality and disturbances of thought and language and withdrawal from social contact.
Søren Kierkegaard
If Schizophrenic Psychosis is on a continuum of a kind of normal inflation of inner fantasy, of symbolic possibilty, then something similar should be true of Depressive Psychosis. And so it is in the portrait that Kierkegaard paints. Depressive Psychosis is the extreme on the continuum of too much necessity, that is, too much finitude, too much limitation by the body and the behaviors of the person in the real world, and not enough freedom of the inner self, of inner symbolic possibility. This is how we understand Depressive Psychosis today: as a bogging down in the demands of others-family, job, the narrow horizon of daily duties. In such a bogging down the individual does not feel or see that he has alternatives, cannot imagine any choices or alternate ways of life, cannot release himself from the network of obligations even though these obligations no longer give him a sense of self-esteem, of primary value, of being a heroic contributor to world life even by doing his daily family and job duties. As I once speculated, the Schizophrenic is not enough built into his world-what Kierkegaard has called the sickness of infinitude; the depressive, on the other hand, is built into his world too solidly, too overwhelmingly. Kierkegaard put it this way:
"But while one sort of despair plunges wildly into the infinite and loses itself, a second sort of permits itself as it were to be defrauded by "the others". By seeing the multitude of men about it, by getting engaged in all sorts of worldly affairs, by becoming wise about how things go in his world, such a man forgets himself...does not dare to believe in himself, finds it too venturesome a thing to be himself, far easier and safer to be like the others, to become an imatation, a number, a cipher in the crowd"
This is a superb characterization of the "culturally normal" man, the one who dares not stand up for his own meanings because this means too much danger, too much exposure. Better not to be oneself, better live tucked into others, embedded in a safe frame-work of social and cultural obligations and duties.
Again, too, this kind of characterization must be understood as being on a continuum, at the extreme end of which we find depressive psychosis. The despressed person is so afraid of being himself, so fearful of exerting his own individuality, of insisting on what might be his own meanings, his own conditions for living, that he seems literally stupid. He cannot seem to understand the situation he is in, cannot see beyond his own fears, cannot grasp why he has bogged down. Kierkegaard phrases it beautifully:
"if one will compare the tendancy to run wild in possibility with the efforts of a child to enunciate words, the lack of possibility is like being dumb...for without possibility a man cannot, as it were, draw breath."
This is precisely the condition of depression, that one can hardly breathe or move. One of the unconscious tactics that the depressed person resorts to, to try to make sense out of his situation, is to see himself as immensely worthless and guilty. This is a marvelous "invention" really, because it allows him to move out of his condition of dumbness, and make some kind of conceptualization of his situation, some kind of sense out of it-even if he has to take full blame as the culprit who is causing so much needless misery to others. Could Kierkegaard have been referring to just such an imaginative tactic when he casually observed:
"Somtimes the inventiveness of the human imagination suffices to procure possibility..."
In any event, the condition of despression might permit an inventiveness that creates the illusion of possibility, of meaning, of action but it does not offer any real possibility. As Kierkegaard sums it up:
"The loss of possibility signifies: either that eveything has become necessary to man or that everything has become trivial."
Actually, in the extreme of depressive psychosis we seem to see the merger of these two: everything becomes necessary AND trivial at the same time-which leads to complete despair. Necessity with the illusion of meaning would be the highest achievement for man; but when it becomes trivial there is no sense to ones life.
Why would a person prefer the accusations of guilt, unworthiness, ineptitude-even dishonor and betrayal-to real possibility? This may not seem to be the choice, but it is: complete self-effacement, surrender to the "others", disavowal of any personal dignity or freedom-on the one hand; freedom and independance, movement away from others extrication of oneself from the binding links of family and social duties-on the other hand. This is the choice that the depressed person actually faces and that he avoids partly by his guilty self-accusation. The answer is not far to seek: the depressed person avoids the possibilty of independence and more life precisely because these are what threaten him with destruction and death. He holds on to the people who have enslaved him in a network of crushing obligations, belittling interaction, precisely because these people are his shelter, his strength, his protection against the world. Like most everyone else the depressed person is a coward who will not stand alone on his own center, who cannot draw from within himself the necessary strength to face up to life. So he embeds himself in others; he is sheltered by the necessary and willingly accepts it. But now his tragedy is plain to see: his necessity has become trivial, and so his slavish, dependent, depersonalized life has lost its meaning. It is frightening to be in such a bind. One chooses slavery because it is safe and meaningful; then one loses the meaning of it, but fears to move out of it. One has literally died to life but must remain physically in this world. And thus torture of depressive psychosis: to remain steeped in ones failure and yet justify it, to continue to draw a sense of worth-whileness out of it.
Wow, that one was a doosey.
"Schizophrenic Psychosis"- any of several psychotic disorders characterized by distortions of reality and disturbances of thought and language and withdrawal from social contact.
Søren Kierkegaard
If Schizophrenic Psychosis is on a continuum of a kind of normal inflation of inner fantasy, of symbolic possibilty, then something similar should be true of Depressive Psychosis. And so it is in the portrait that Kierkegaard paints. Depressive Psychosis is the extreme on the continuum of too much necessity, that is, too much finitude, too much limitation by the body and the behaviors of the person in the real world, and not enough freedom of the inner self, of inner symbolic possibility. This is how we understand Depressive Psychosis today: as a bogging down in the demands of others-family, job, the narrow horizon of daily duties. In such a bogging down the individual does not feel or see that he has alternatives, cannot imagine any choices or alternate ways of life, cannot release himself from the network of obligations even though these obligations no longer give him a sense of self-esteem, of primary value, of being a heroic contributor to world life even by doing his daily family and job duties. As I once speculated, the Schizophrenic is not enough built into his world-what Kierkegaard has called the sickness of infinitude; the depressive, on the other hand, is built into his world too solidly, too overwhelmingly. Kierkegaard put it this way:
"But while one sort of despair plunges wildly into the infinite and loses itself, a second sort of permits itself as it were to be defrauded by "the others". By seeing the multitude of men about it, by getting engaged in all sorts of worldly affairs, by becoming wise about how things go in his world, such a man forgets himself...does not dare to believe in himself, finds it too venturesome a thing to be himself, far easier and safer to be like the others, to become an imatation, a number, a cipher in the crowd"
This is a superb characterization of the "culturally normal" man, the one who dares not stand up for his own meanings because this means too much danger, too much exposure. Better not to be oneself, better live tucked into others, embedded in a safe frame-work of social and cultural obligations and duties.
Again, too, this kind of characterization must be understood as being on a continuum, at the extreme end of which we find depressive psychosis. The despressed person is so afraid of being himself, so fearful of exerting his own individuality, of insisting on what might be his own meanings, his own conditions for living, that he seems literally stupid. He cannot seem to understand the situation he is in, cannot see beyond his own fears, cannot grasp why he has bogged down. Kierkegaard phrases it beautifully:
"if one will compare the tendancy to run wild in possibility with the efforts of a child to enunciate words, the lack of possibility is like being dumb...for without possibility a man cannot, as it were, draw breath."
This is precisely the condition of depression, that one can hardly breathe or move. One of the unconscious tactics that the depressed person resorts to, to try to make sense out of his situation, is to see himself as immensely worthless and guilty. This is a marvelous "invention" really, because it allows him to move out of his condition of dumbness, and make some kind of conceptualization of his situation, some kind of sense out of it-even if he has to take full blame as the culprit who is causing so much needless misery to others. Could Kierkegaard have been referring to just such an imaginative tactic when he casually observed:
"Somtimes the inventiveness of the human imagination suffices to procure possibility..."
In any event, the condition of despression might permit an inventiveness that creates the illusion of possibility, of meaning, of action but it does not offer any real possibility. As Kierkegaard sums it up:
"The loss of possibility signifies: either that eveything has become necessary to man or that everything has become trivial."
Actually, in the extreme of depressive psychosis we seem to see the merger of these two: everything becomes necessary AND trivial at the same time-which leads to complete despair. Necessity with the illusion of meaning would be the highest achievement for man; but when it becomes trivial there is no sense to ones life.
Why would a person prefer the accusations of guilt, unworthiness, ineptitude-even dishonor and betrayal-to real possibility? This may not seem to be the choice, but it is: complete self-effacement, surrender to the "others", disavowal of any personal dignity or freedom-on the one hand; freedom and independance, movement away from others extrication of oneself from the binding links of family and social duties-on the other hand. This is the choice that the depressed person actually faces and that he avoids partly by his guilty self-accusation. The answer is not far to seek: the depressed person avoids the possibilty of independence and more life precisely because these are what threaten him with destruction and death. He holds on to the people who have enslaved him in a network of crushing obligations, belittling interaction, precisely because these people are his shelter, his strength, his protection against the world. Like most everyone else the depressed person is a coward who will not stand alone on his own center, who cannot draw from within himself the necessary strength to face up to life. So he embeds himself in others; he is sheltered by the necessary and willingly accepts it. But now his tragedy is plain to see: his necessity has become trivial, and so his slavish, dependent, depersonalized life has lost its meaning. It is frightening to be in such a bind. One chooses slavery because it is safe and meaningful; then one loses the meaning of it, but fears to move out of it. One has literally died to life but must remain physically in this world. And thus torture of depressive psychosis: to remain steeped in ones failure and yet justify it, to continue to draw a sense of worth-whileness out of it.
Wow, that one was a doosey.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Halloween!
yes, it is Halloween. Much like every year for the past, 8 or so, I am not dressing up as anything. Im a bummer, I know, whatever.
However this post is about how its ANOTHER October that I am going without seeing this movie. SO PISSED. Looks like ill be waiting whats been about 2 years to see this, it has yet to come out. After last years hold off for THIS October, Im yet again getting fucked over. Stupid Warner Brothers.
Hopefully it will just come out in some way soon. Theres all kinds of drama going on with it. No distribution, blah blah blah. I dont see what the issue is here. Oh well! Ill hunt for a bootleg. Its being shown at certian conventions and things, so maybe one will surfice. I read in a forum that someone came across a copy, but it was a really bad copy.
Ill see this some way! If anything, it will come out straight to DVD and I will purchase furiously. Even though it should be released in theaters as it was intended to.
I also want this:
and HI, HOLY SHIT!
Monday, October 27, 2008
RADIO!
So after my FM Transmitter randomly just decided to not work properly I went out to buy a new one. Long story short, I was rather displeased with how the new one was working out. So I decided that they are for the birds and made the upgrade to a whole new set up.
Looking around on the internet,reading reviews and looking at prices,with help of tristan as well, I decided on the Alpline CDE-9874.
Its a step or two down from tristans but since he had it, I didnt think I could go wrong. Its really simple to use and after being stressed out about it the whole day and spending a little more than I really wanted to, all of that went out the window as soon as I got in the car and started playing with it. Its been 2 days or so and i already know most of the functions and it isnt a hassel at all.
I got the Ipod adapter cable which goes straight into the back of the head unit and then just plugs into my Ipod. Which is awesome cause it charges your Ipod so you dont have to deal with getting a car charger. I was a little indecisive when it came to either, using the AUX input on the front and being able to control everything FROM the Ipod itself OR getting this adapter cable and ONLY being able to control everything through the head. Obviously i decided on decision # 2 and in all honesty its a lot more efficient and better off. mainly for less cables bring around.
All and all im really pleased with everything. No more dealing with crappy sound, static and changing radio stations in different parts of town.
heres what the factory radio looked like
Looking around on the internet,reading reviews and looking at prices,with help of tristan as well, I decided on the Alpline CDE-9874.
Its a step or two down from tristans but since he had it, I didnt think I could go wrong. Its really simple to use and after being stressed out about it the whole day and spending a little more than I really wanted to, all of that went out the window as soon as I got in the car and started playing with it. Its been 2 days or so and i already know most of the functions and it isnt a hassel at all.
I got the Ipod adapter cable which goes straight into the back of the head unit and then just plugs into my Ipod. Which is awesome cause it charges your Ipod so you dont have to deal with getting a car charger. I was a little indecisive when it came to either, using the AUX input on the front and being able to control everything FROM the Ipod itself OR getting this adapter cable and ONLY being able to control everything through the head. Obviously i decided on decision # 2 and in all honesty its a lot more efficient and better off. mainly for less cables bring around.
All and all im really pleased with everything. No more dealing with crappy sound, static and changing radio stations in different parts of town.
heres what the factory radio looked like
Monday, October 6, 2008
Ebay!
THIS CAME IN TODAY! FINALLY! SO SIKED!
its a double sided poster for one of my favored records.
I was really up in the air about which side to put up, but I decided to go with the obvious choice. it matches the vibe of my room better.
so happy over a stupid piece of paper with a picture printed on it!
its a double sided poster for one of my favored records.
I was really up in the air about which side to put up, but I decided to go with the obvious choice. it matches the vibe of my room better.
so happy over a stupid piece of paper with a picture printed on it!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Human Character as a Vital Lie
I dont know if you ever have looked at an animal and just kinda been like "thats an animal, it has no idea about anything, it just sits there and eats that, it just flys around or walks, eats stuff off the ground, jumps from tree to tree, sits on a wire" then ask yourself, "whats that things purpose" and bascially wonder and question its existence and wonder if it also has any idea of itself. Of course by the examples I gave im talking more of "City" animals right now, not so much the lions and zebras of Africa. However, in the end its still all the same, since those animals have their own daily routine, sit under that tree, go kill that gazelle, you get the idea? But back to the oirginal point, I always have wondered this at times. Leaning more towards "it has no idea about anything" and "wonder if it has any idea of itself" statements.
I've been reading "The Denial of Death" by a man named Ernest Becker. The book as a whole isnt exactly what I thought it was so im not completely into it. Its kinda like reading a text book. Though I have come across a few parts that have turned my head and made me go, "hmmm". What im talking about here, is one of those things. The chapter its from is "Human Character as a Vital Lie" and its obviously more about humans, but it has some stuff about the difference between animals and humans which answered my silly question completely and a WHOLE lot more.
"The great boon of repression is that it makes it possible to live decisively in an overwhelmingly miraculous and incomprehensible world, a world so full of beauty, majesty and terror that if animals perceived it all they would be paralyzed to act.
But nature has protected the lower animal by endowing them with instincts. An instinct is a programmed perception that calls into play a programmed reaction. it is very simple. Animals are not moved by what they cannot react to. They live in a tiny world, a sliver of reality, one neuro-chemical program that keeps them walking behind their nose and shuts out everything else. But look at man, the impossible creature! Here nature seems to have thrown caution to the winds along with the programmed instincts. She created an animal who has no defense against full perception of the external world, an animal completely open to experience. Not only in front of his nose, in his umwelt, but in many other umwelten. He can relate not only to animals in his own species, but in some ways to all other species. He can contemplate not only what is edible for him, but everything that grows. He not only lives in this moment, but expands his inner self to yesterday, his curiosity to centuries ago, his fears to five billion years from now when the sun will cool, his hopes to an enternity from now. He lives not only on a tiny territory, nor even on an entire planet, but in a galaxy, in a universe and in dimensions beyond visible universes. It is appalling, the burden man bears, the experiential burden.
As we saw in the last chapter, man cant even take his own body for granted as can other animals. It is not just hind feet, a tail that he drags, that are just "there", limbs to be used and taken for granted or chewed off when caught in a trap and when they give pain and prevent movement. Mans body is a problem to him that has to be explained. Not only his body is strange, but also its inner landscape, the memories and dreams. Mans very insides--his self--are foreign to him. He doesnt know who he is, why he was born, what he is doing on the planet, what he is supposed to do, what he can expect. His own existence is incomprehensible to him, a miracle just like the rest of creation, closer to him, right near his pounding heart, but for that reason all the more strange. Each thing is a problem and man can shut out nothing. As Maslow has well said, "its precisely the god like in ourselves that we are ambivalent about, fascinated by and fearful of, motivated to and defensive against. This one aspect the basic human predicament, that we are simultaneously worms and gods"
The historic value of Freuds work is that it came to grips with the peculiar animal that man was, the animal that was not programmed by instincts to close off perception and assure automatic equanimity and forceful action. Man had to invent and create out of himself the limitations of perception and the equanimity to live on this planet. And so the core of psychodynamics, the formation of the human character, is a study in human self-limitaion and in the terrifying costs of that limitation. The hostility to the psychoanalysis in the past, today, and in the future, will always be a hostility against admitting that man lives by lying to himself about himself and about his world, and that character, to follow Ferenczi and Brown, is a vital lie"
I've been reading "The Denial of Death" by a man named Ernest Becker. The book as a whole isnt exactly what I thought it was so im not completely into it. Its kinda like reading a text book. Though I have come across a few parts that have turned my head and made me go, "hmmm". What im talking about here, is one of those things. The chapter its from is "Human Character as a Vital Lie" and its obviously more about humans, but it has some stuff about the difference between animals and humans which answered my silly question completely and a WHOLE lot more.
"The great boon of repression is that it makes it possible to live decisively in an overwhelmingly miraculous and incomprehensible world, a world so full of beauty, majesty and terror that if animals perceived it all they would be paralyzed to act.
But nature has protected the lower animal by endowing them with instincts. An instinct is a programmed perception that calls into play a programmed reaction. it is very simple. Animals are not moved by what they cannot react to. They live in a tiny world, a sliver of reality, one neuro-chemical program that keeps them walking behind their nose and shuts out everything else. But look at man, the impossible creature! Here nature seems to have thrown caution to the winds along with the programmed instincts. She created an animal who has no defense against full perception of the external world, an animal completely open to experience. Not only in front of his nose, in his umwelt, but in many other umwelten. He can relate not only to animals in his own species, but in some ways to all other species. He can contemplate not only what is edible for him, but everything that grows. He not only lives in this moment, but expands his inner self to yesterday, his curiosity to centuries ago, his fears to five billion years from now when the sun will cool, his hopes to an enternity from now. He lives not only on a tiny territory, nor even on an entire planet, but in a galaxy, in a universe and in dimensions beyond visible universes. It is appalling, the burden man bears, the experiential burden.
As we saw in the last chapter, man cant even take his own body for granted as can other animals. It is not just hind feet, a tail that he drags, that are just "there", limbs to be used and taken for granted or chewed off when caught in a trap and when they give pain and prevent movement. Mans body is a problem to him that has to be explained. Not only his body is strange, but also its inner landscape, the memories and dreams. Mans very insides--his self--are foreign to him. He doesnt know who he is, why he was born, what he is doing on the planet, what he is supposed to do, what he can expect. His own existence is incomprehensible to him, a miracle just like the rest of creation, closer to him, right near his pounding heart, but for that reason all the more strange. Each thing is a problem and man can shut out nothing. As Maslow has well said, "its precisely the god like in ourselves that we are ambivalent about, fascinated by and fearful of, motivated to and defensive against. This one aspect the basic human predicament, that we are simultaneously worms and gods"
The historic value of Freuds work is that it came to grips with the peculiar animal that man was, the animal that was not programmed by instincts to close off perception and assure automatic equanimity and forceful action. Man had to invent and create out of himself the limitations of perception and the equanimity to live on this planet. And so the core of psychodynamics, the formation of the human character, is a study in human self-limitaion and in the terrifying costs of that limitation. The hostility to the psychoanalysis in the past, today, and in the future, will always be a hostility against admitting that man lives by lying to himself about himself and about his world, and that character, to follow Ferenczi and Brown, is a vital lie"
Saturday, September 20, 2008
BIKES!
Today was a very boring Saturday, like, really boring. It's quarter to 8 at night and I havent even showered yet. Thats what kind of day its been. Whatching Chuck & Larry for the 100th time. I really just wanted to make a post to just make one, since it is something to do.
Thats my bike! Its a green Mercier Kilo TT and its awesome. Shes my brakeless fixed gear princess. I got it in July. Ordered it from bikes direct for $350. Well worth it! Thank you stimulous check! I havent utalized it as much as I would have liked to. No cool bike hang outs with friends that have bikes too, no long rides, pretty much nothing. I rode around my city late at night for a month or two then just kinda got lazy. Id like to get in a good ride before it becomes winter.
A new bike path opened up in Woonsocket, after about a week of saying that I should check it out, I finally did today. Although it is very nice, it is EXTREMELY short. like, almost not even enjoyable. I cant even haul ass for more than 30 seconds before I have to start slowing down. It wasnt all too busy with pedestrians and small children, so it was nice. I know that there are a bunch of other paths to ride, so id like to get together with some people and hit the Cranston one or another one that is lengthy. I like to ride REALLY fast for pretty much forever.
so, yeah, thats about it really!
Thats my bike! Its a green Mercier Kilo TT and its awesome. Shes my brakeless fixed gear princess. I got it in July. Ordered it from bikes direct for $350. Well worth it! Thank you stimulous check! I havent utalized it as much as I would have liked to. No cool bike hang outs with friends that have bikes too, no long rides, pretty much nothing. I rode around my city late at night for a month or two then just kinda got lazy. Id like to get in a good ride before it becomes winter.
A new bike path opened up in Woonsocket, after about a week of saying that I should check it out, I finally did today. Although it is very nice, it is EXTREMELY short. like, almost not even enjoyable. I cant even haul ass for more than 30 seconds before I have to start slowing down. It wasnt all too busy with pedestrians and small children, so it was nice. I know that there are a bunch of other paths to ride, so id like to get together with some people and hit the Cranston one or another one that is lengthy. I like to ride REALLY fast for pretty much forever.
so, yeah, thats about it really!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Drum Kit Idea #4 Save The Rain Forest
I've spoke about this one. Maybe youve heard it? This one has a theme as well, its theme would be THE FOREST! Its a beast and so delicious and ill never see it created, unfortunetly, cause it would cost oh so much money, but here it is.
Sizes:
26x24
18x18
13x10
14x8 snare 20 ply
the wrap of the drums will be TREE BARK.
and ill have Claw style wood hoops with forest green tube lugs.
(Claw style hoops)
AND on the kick drum hoops, ill have GREEN treasure troll hair fabric. which i will then PERSONALLY coin as "MOSS HOOPS" since there is moss in the woods usually haha.
now in my head i had this idea of a awesome tree bark wrap, that if it existed i would be filled with so much joy. WELL, i am browsing the SHINE drums webpage one day and what do i see?
i see this!
the drummer of Forever the sickest kids basically has MY drumset. its slightly different though, its way smaller sizes and it doesnt have claw hoops nor my idea for the kick drum hoops.
so to get a general idea of what it would like,picture this kit with huge drum sizes and not 2.3mm hoops.
little pissed about it, but whatever, mine rules harder anyway!
Sizes:
26x24
18x18
13x10
14x8 snare 20 ply
the wrap of the drums will be TREE BARK.
and ill have Claw style wood hoops with forest green tube lugs.
(Claw style hoops)
AND on the kick drum hoops, ill have GREEN treasure troll hair fabric. which i will then PERSONALLY coin as "MOSS HOOPS" since there is moss in the woods usually haha.
now in my head i had this idea of a awesome tree bark wrap, that if it existed i would be filled with so much joy. WELL, i am browsing the SHINE drums webpage one day and what do i see?
i see this!
the drummer of Forever the sickest kids basically has MY drumset. its slightly different though, its way smaller sizes and it doesnt have claw hoops nor my idea for the kick drum hoops.
so to get a general idea of what it would like,picture this kit with huge drum sizes and not 2.3mm hoops.
little pissed about it, but whatever, mine rules harder anyway!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
MAYHEM FEST!
I had an excellent time last night, getting to go to the Rockstar Engery drink Mayhem Festival for not only one night,but last night was the 2nd time I got to go! August 5th was Mansfield MA, this date was in Hartford CT. Since i started this blog, i brought my camera to take some shots of some things.
None of the "shots" are that good,i dont take picutres! especially the Slipknot ones, i wasnt sure if one of their dudes on the crew said "no cameras" or "all cameras face forward" meaning like,no backline shots or whatever, so i was rather quick with anything i took,meaning BLURRY, but you get the idea, and its still awesome.
theres a lot i took,but heres just some. mainly of dustins C & C kit and the knot.
Dustins rig:
easily the MOST ridiculous kick drums i have ever heard. i got to play them for a hot moment and seriously...they sounded SO amazing. had a slight click to them, were loud as fuck,it sounded like they were miced already....you had to be there,i was screaming like a girl "THEY SOUND SOOOO GOOOODDD AAAHHHH!"
Dustins custom hand done finish came out awesome too:
CAST IRON SNARE!
this probably is the heaviest snare in existance. mainly because it was cut out of a piece of gigantic pipe that would be going in the earth to serve some sort of purpose for man kind. i think dustin said C & C got it from some iron company in like philly or something. all the lug holes were like laser cut and shit. it is also probably the loudest snare in existance. it surprisingly dosent sound too bad either.
aaron shredding during Underoath. im not too into the sound of his drums,since he went with the vintage thing,but they look hot.
now for the knot! At the Mansfield date,we got to watch from the sound board. THIS time I got to watch from the side of the stage. IT WAS AWESOME!
YEAH, JOEYS RIG LETS HIS DRUMS TILT TOTALLY FORWARD,THEN SPIN....OUT OF CONTROL!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
GEAR!
I took some pictures today at practice. i dont have any pictures of my drums anyway,i did at one time, now i dont, figured id take some today.
heres some shots of my rig:
LEFT:
TOP:
RIGHT:
through the control room window:
oh and heres a shot of Toms what i've dubbed "shredals"
They arent much, but they are all ive got right now! maybe one day ill have a sweet as custom! even if i dont ever get them for cheap or free...ill have atleast ONE sooner or later!
Word!
heres some shots of my rig:
LEFT:
TOP:
RIGHT:
through the control room window:
oh and heres a shot of Toms what i've dubbed "shredals"
They arent much, but they are all ive got right now! maybe one day ill have a sweet as custom! even if i dont ever get them for cheap or free...ill have atleast ONE sooner or later!
Word!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Drum Kit Idea # 3
Sizes:
24x18
16x16
12x8
14x7
brass mini tube lugs. natural revolutionary wood hoops w/ red glitter inlay
brass diecast hoops on snare.
red glitter kit.
word.
24x18
16x16
12x8
14x7
brass mini tube lugs. natural revolutionary wood hoops w/ red glitter inlay
brass diecast hoops on snare.
red glitter kit.
word.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Drum Kit Idea #2 "The Astronaut"
This ones got a theme! It rules!
sizes:
22x22
16x14
12x8
14x8
baltimore lugs. diecast hoops.
lugs and kick drum claws will be FLAT GREY powder coated.
the Hoops will be CHROME BLUE powder coated.
the spurs,tom mount,floor crade and legs will be CHROME RED powder coated.
the kit itself will just be gloss white.
and for the kicker..a custom full moon kick drum head. with that large dark cradder spot on the moon being the spot where i place my port hole.
i might change the snare up a bit and not coordinate it with the kit. theres not much red in it,so i might make the snare have red hoops,blue lugs, i dont know yet. ill figure that out when it comes time.
sizes:
22x22
16x14
12x8
14x8
baltimore lugs. diecast hoops.
lugs and kick drum claws will be FLAT GREY powder coated.
the Hoops will be CHROME BLUE powder coated.
the spurs,tom mount,floor crade and legs will be CHROME RED powder coated.
the kit itself will just be gloss white.
and for the kicker..a custom full moon kick drum head. with that large dark cradder spot on the moon being the spot where i place my port hole.
i might change the snare up a bit and not coordinate it with the kit. theres not much red in it,so i might make the snare have red hoops,blue lugs, i dont know yet. ill figure that out when it comes time.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
ART!
This came in the mail the other day. Its a Charles Bukowski print that Matt Brotka made. I'm totally in love with it! Bukowski is a dude ive been WAY into since being introduced to him about 8 months ago from my sister. So when I saw that Matt had made up some prints, I obviously picked one up! The only problem I have now is finding a place to put it! I dont know of any place right now, Bummed!
If youd like one for yourself,go to Matts page and grab one! They are limited!
www.timewillheal.com
Friday, August 8, 2008
Drum Kit idea # 1
ive told this one to basically EVERYONE. i kind of have my hopes set on it, though ill most likely have to settle for something else until and if i even ever get some sort of Drum sponsor/endorsement.
sizes:
22x20
16x16
12x10
14x7
brass tube lugs and diecast hoops.
50% offset lugs.
10 ply birch snare shell.
white glitter with pink glitter van halen stripes.
reverse colors on the snare.
thats it really. sounds uninteresting to most but if it ever gets made it will be hot shit.
thats number 1! i got a small back log of about 5 more ill post periodically so i dont over do it, but more coming soon!
sizes:
22x20
16x16
12x10
14x7
brass tube lugs and diecast hoops.
50% offset lugs.
10 ply birch snare shell.
white glitter with pink glitter van halen stripes.
reverse colors on the snare.
thats it really. sounds uninteresting to most but if it ever gets made it will be hot shit.
thats number 1! i got a small back log of about 5 more ill post periodically so i dont over do it, but more coming soon!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
HELLO EVERYONE!
HELLO! so i decided to get a Blog. Keep up with the times as well as friends. i have no real idea as to what to do with this..well,thats kind of a lie.
i also decided to use my old livejournal to still complain about life and other things that are rather ridiculous and unneeded to even complain about and use this blog as a interesting insiteful tool to post things i like,enjoy,do, inspire,maybe even love, etc.
as for my plan for this,its A LOT easier to archive things and find them,LJ is harder. i mainly plan on using this to post my drum ideas,drum related things, shows i go to,drums i find,cool things i want, etc. i guess a more musical thing.
i dont know much about this,its all so new! so things arent set as far as layout and info and stuff like that, as i learn and discover,things will change.
friends,add me. ill figure out how to add you later.
-matthew
i also decided to use my old livejournal to still complain about life and other things that are rather ridiculous and unneeded to even complain about and use this blog as a interesting insiteful tool to post things i like,enjoy,do, inspire,maybe even love, etc.
as for my plan for this,its A LOT easier to archive things and find them,LJ is harder. i mainly plan on using this to post my drum ideas,drum related things, shows i go to,drums i find,cool things i want, etc. i guess a more musical thing.
i dont know much about this,its all so new! so things arent set as far as layout and info and stuff like that, as i learn and discover,things will change.
friends,add me. ill figure out how to add you later.
-matthew
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