2009 seems to be the year for them. If you could even call them that at all. Speaking for myself of course and since absolutely nothing thus far has been going my way, I've come to notice that positivity is hardly with me anymore like it was in January where all this "new lease and outlook on...(add variable X here)" started and im starting to wonder if I've just been shitting it all out with every afternoons BM. So in retaliation to my most recent blog entry(the one below this one) I've taken it upon myself to do something about "it".
My plan was everything but well crafted last night as I made the decision to not listen to ANY music, at all, for an unknown period of time. Since I find myself confiding in music always, searching for solace without much result of making things any better. So whats the fucking point? I kind of find it impossible however to not listen to anything, even though I have not tried it yet, the sounds of nature, life, the city, the hum of my vehicle as I gracefully disobey the speed limit, just wont cut it.
Im still going to try though, today was the day of Snapcase. I think I really just have to apply myself and say "no, dont listen to that" and try to focus on other things and listen to other things that I just find myself not caring to relate to and ignoring. I see it the only way. What Id like to help, isnt helping and if I want to do things different this year, I have to actually fucking do it.
"Problems" weight me down easy. I feel that I could have always done better, done more, I have trouble letting go, I have trouble accepting. I beat myself into the ground so hard I feel the warmth from hell, Id swear that Ive almost reached it a few times but in order to cast all these things away, really isnt up to any band or any song or any single person but myself. So in reality, what should it matter what I listen to? Well that is something I cannot answer, for some reason, it matters, in my world. If it hurts, why fucking deal with it any longer?
I really need to cut the shit with these rule breakers.
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