So theres a new band out, they have a new song up. This part is no big deal really. Though they blogged about, what im guessing, is the whole meaning to this new song. Who these people are, what band they were in, what band they are all in now, doesnt really matter. The whole point of me even blogging this, is to remember it. When the blog, the band, the people, me, are all gone. I read this and much like a lot of the things I've ever read in the past and probably will read in the future, a light bulb went off.
Now I wouldn't say that I have a hard time expressing myself on certain views when asked but sometimes other people just say better shit, so, fuck it. I read this and felt very much in tune with what was said. This persons views, whether they are true or fictional for the sake of song. Whether this event occured or it was made up for the sake of story. I very much feel the same way. What its REALLY about, I could only guess, but many things in art are always left open to the viewer, the listeners, own interpretation.
This is the blog which I am re-posting is from this band called Nocturnal Me. Now how you feel about this song, these dudes or bascially anything else, I dont care. This isnt some shameless promotion, this isnt some fan blog(though maybe it is? haha). This is simply a series of words which I felt was in some essence, "ME" and I wish to document them, much like the large amount of book quotes that are throughout my blog. Excluding the mind games part, im not too into games, PERIOD. I do like to get in their mind though, but MY intentions are not for games. The mind is the best and only way to really KNOW things about a person. Which I love doing. Ive probably pointed out things you do, say, weird ticks you might have, your fears and why you have them, and have in a minor way, poked fun at you for them, but I asure you, its all in good fun.
"This Isn't Love
"This is not my scene"...I thought to myself...
"This shouldn't be anyone's scene"...the other side of me replied...
Any place where you can smoke inside is bad news now a days, and for me its doubly true. I can barely breathe as it is, I don't need the help of vaporized nicotine and stuffy situations. The last thing I want/need is to waste my breathe on common conversation with anyone within these walls. I came in here with the home team and even we don't exchange more than a glance and some suttle nuances throughout the night. Words are overrated and oxygen is at a minimum.
I grab a drink and a seat (in that order) and decide to let my mind unfold for a while. I've always had the tendancy to look people in the eyes whether they're right in front of me or across the room. It's one of my only qualities that I continue to develop on a daily basis, and I also think that's what got her attention. This place wasn't crowded by any means but there were enough people there to call it a competition...
She works, I watch
She looks, I smile
Lather, rinse, repeat
For hours it goes like this until a subconcious connection is formed to the point where I feel familiar once she comes over to greet me.
"This is my kind of girl"...
Someone who doesn't cling to the stereotype of male dominance in romantic relationships. I HATE approaching women. 24 hours a day they are bombarded with insincerity and sketchiness and I refuse to fall into that category. From a very young age I decided that playing the game that way was not going to work for me. If I was going play the game at all, I was going to do it my way...Patiently, intelligently and planned. You can never lose as long as you don't invest yourself too much, and in this situation that's my M.O. Calm, cool, collected and detached. I never had a problem sleeping alone, and tonight is no exception.
The conversation navigates familiar waters. Where are you from? What do you do? What are you majoring in? Where do you live? What's your dog's name? Have you ever been to Amsterdam? How about this humidity? Do you have a cigarette? Why don't you smoke? Can I buy you a drink? etc...etc...Until finally, 6 syallabels are muttered which attack the crux of the situation with percision that only a female mind can conjure
She asks..."What are your intentions?"
At this point I'm always extremely honest. I'm a very affectionate person by nature, I love women and I love being close to them...If there is an opportunity for close combat, I'm just as eager as the next dude. But there IS something slightly different about me: I thoroughly enjoy mind games and I'm not ashmaed of it. The chase means more to me than any close encounter ever could...There is just something much more enthralling about playing a chess match and getting inside someone's head vs. getting wasted and getting in someone's bed. Call me old fashioned, but I'd just like to think I'm avoiding desperation with this mindset.
She can't take my honesty. It's obvious she's been jaded by her past and my answers seem to make her confused/angry/happy all at the same time. Am I a wolf in sheep's clothing? Another regret that she is bound to make? Or am I diamond in the rough? An opportunity she will likely never see again for months to come?
The questions remain unanswered. A few more drinks and she doesn't really care about my intentions; at this point ours may have morphed into one and the same. The time comes to pull the trigger and in my usual fashion I am gunshy. The lack of mystery unveils the situation for what it is and all I really want to do is go home and get a good night's rest. My causal irreverence towards the situation offends her to the point where she surrenders her Stoli 7 and Lime, shakes my hands, and bids me adieu immediately.
I remain unphased, unattached and unwilling to compromise my vision in order to gain experience. I'm only interested in someone who can capture my full imagination and it's obvious that tonight was no more than a conversation piece and a lesson.
The truth is simple:
It isn't much if you don't mean it.
And it isn't love if you don't need it. "
